Where is my brain? (H3 December 6)

So I am now a few weeks into treatment for Hep C, it feels like a good time for an update. In this episode I am going to share a few details that I have not shared before. I hope in my blogging that others can know they are not alone and that friends know how to pray for me.

Let’s back track to start with. Over the last 10 years or so I have noticed what is called Brain Fog begin to worsen. At first I just thought that I had a difficult time reading/studying/concentrating. Until pouring through blogs and research on Hep C I had no idea that there were words to what I was going through and that many other people went through this as well. Over the years this led to dealing with depression and other mild mental illness problems.

For me along with the depression it has been a feeling of getting dumber. This has been over the last 10 years and specifically the last 5 years. A few months back I even came close to failing a general bible knowledge exam… that is embarrassing! I mean seriously… I have a degree on my wall that says I know this stuff. I have even found myself doing a talk or preaching and needing to go on a rabbit trail verbally so that my thoughts could catch up and I could recall the information I needed. Several years ago I started asking people to send me an email directly following a conversation so that I had a reminder of what we just talked about. I have never talked about this publicly but it has been very very frustrating! I am sure that through the years this has impacted my career, opportunities and relationships with other people.

During the first few weeks of treatment I noticed this was getting worse. I would be fighting for thoughts and opinions. There was even a few times where a simple question being asked would overwhelm me to the degree that I could not cope. One specific time was being asked how many bags I needed at the grocery store. A pretty simple question. I froze and felt tears starting to form as I backed away from the nice old lady trying to get to the next customer. I was so glad that Amberley was there and took over the transaction. Another time I remember staring at the keypad at a check out and trying desperately to remember my debit code… then Amberley reached over and entered it in. FRUSTRATING!!

For the last couple of days I have felt pretty good. I have found myself being able to recall small pieces of long term memory that I had forgotten about. I have been able to read multiple chapters in a book and recall what happened (usually I read a chapter a few times or just accept that once I am done the book I will retain about 5%). I feel pretty good about that. I am thankful for this process because I know at the end of it I am going to be a better father, husband and pastor. I know that there are other folks out there who have dealt with this as well, and to you I say, God has a plan and will work it all out. With all that said, keep praying or sending good thoughts or what ever you do. I am getting my liver back!


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